CK Lynn

I really didn't like the rhyme, complete or not. It just totally washed away any seriousness the piece had. Other than that, I thought it was good but you could ...

Thanks for the crits!

Its really intesene. I really didn't like the rhyme, though, I thought it made the piece a little less real.

I liked this, but you should put a warning on it that says that no one should read immediatley after reading your story "We All Fall Down" Where this was ...

...........Wow. I read part one, but didn't critque it. Instead I said I'd read part 2 and get the rest of the story. And that's all I can say. Wow. ...

It's not really a poem, but I liked it. The way you discribed the colors was really different. I liked the title, too.

I liked it a lot. Though the line "I wasted all my time treading the edge" somehow doesn't fit with the rest of the piece.

This was very interesting. I liked the kind of ryhthm to it.

I really liked it. Although in most poems ryhming makes it sound silly, it really works here.

I really liked this poem. It was powerful, and not in a sob-story moral type way. Great job.

I like your revised version much better than the first one, however more imagery would make this better as well as some stronger language.

Liked it... the ryhme takes away the seriousness, though.

I really liked the subject of this poem, it was quite different. The way you worded it, not quite lyrical, not quite short-sounding, really coplemented it. Good job!

I really liked it. The third verse I thought was perhaps your weakest. Maybe you should revise the last line of that part.

Interesting. I liked it, though I would advise to make it a smidgin longer, I didn't feel as if it had an end.